Pappa wants mamma naked
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
