Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
