go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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