I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
