dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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