Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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