I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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