She is in my trunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
