med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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