"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want her autograph on my taint
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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