Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Two words: blizzard sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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