Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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