Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize