3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
