i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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