just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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