Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
