forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
