ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
