I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
