Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
