i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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