i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
