On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
