All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
soo... how was my night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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