What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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