Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
