Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
