just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's like iHOP with fire
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
