party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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