I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
These tits shall not be calmed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
