wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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