i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
