At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
