haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
