watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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