I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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