if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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