apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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