He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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