I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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