I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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