it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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