i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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