It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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