All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
