We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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