she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
