bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
