evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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