can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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