I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
