return my video game
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
