I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
