New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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