Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
