I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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