Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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