the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
