There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
