Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
