Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just come out here and I will go home with you...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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