just come out here and I will go home with you...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
