The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
