so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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