Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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