Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
