I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
