you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
