i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
