Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
