so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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