That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
