she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
