Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
