i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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