Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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