you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
